1977 Circa Gibson Les Paul Standard


This one has the most names out of all my guitars. Its been called, “#1”, “The baseball bat” (we’ll get to that later, or maybe not because I will just feel bad), and “The Ugly Bitch” (probably due to the second name).

This axe has been through world war 3, and 4, and even survived an entire night shoved in a snow bank in a sketchy neighborhood without the case (thanks to my crazier than fuck ex wife).


Legend has it that this Les Paul was traded for a bag of dope…..a really really big bag. With at least 5 or 6 re-fret jobs, and at least that many bridges, it’s seen the stage and studio a lot. Currently it sports a matched pair of Seymour Duncan Alinco ll APH 1 pickups.



1997 Fender Deluxe Stratocaster


This guitar was almost decapitated at a festival years ago. We just got off stage and I headed to my dressing room, which was actually a 95’ Safari van (that’s when you know you made it big). I opened the side door, threw the guitar on the seat, and slammed the door shut. Except that she fell forward and the headstock was caught in the sliding door like a guillotine. Now in my defense for my carelessness, I swore I heard someone yell “last call” or the “hot dog cart guy is leaving” or something like that. But with some TLC she survived that treacherous night. Bearing the name “SuperTrooper” one would think it was named after that gruesome story, but it was actually named after a tribute show band I played in several years earlier. I even painted it corvette white to match the shiny costumes we all had to wear…. Wow, just wow.

On the upside, this guitar really comes alive on stage, partly due to its great resonating wood qualities and the Seymour Duncan SSL-5 in the bridge position. The neck and middle position have Golden Age-Alnico 5 pickups.

1994 Fender Telecaster


My 94’ Sunburst Telecaster, simply named “Tele” has been a great workhorse over the years. Through its 4 or 5 re-fret jobs, the neck is now flatter than a European runway model and closer to a 12-degree radius. The fret board has my logo carved into it, which is 1 to 1.5 mm deep stone, which is beyond awesome, in an egocentric sorta way. 

The neck pickup is a Fender noiseless while the bridge pickup hosts a Seymour Duncan Five-Two STL52-2.

The bridge plate has been upgraded to something a bit more heavy duty. Also note the Les Paul switch in place of the Fender Switch. That’s a modification I do to every Telecaster I own, and so should Fender. A quirk with this guitar is the volume knob keeps flying off, which of course I trip on while performing. I probably should have named this bitch “Trippy”. At the moment, there is a ripped piece of set list, or song request or maybe even a phone number wedging the knob on the guitar. Crude yes, but it seems to be working just fine. And no, I never called her.



2016 Gibson Les Paul Junior Single Coil Limited


Now I’m probably not the best candidate to acquire some vintage priceless all original guitar, because if I can make it better with a few modifications, Im tearing that bitch apart. To the eccentric ignoramus who would rather collect guitars than play them, this would be a devalued instrument in their eyes. I on the other hand would rather make my guitars the best they can be, thus increasing its value in my opinion.

Now having said that, here enters the Gibson Les Paul Junior who was adopted into the family not many months after its inception. I love the Satin Vintage Sunburst finish, to the P90SR neck pickup to the P90ST+ bridge pickup. I can’t think of a thing I would change on her....for now.




2007 Fender Roadhouse Stratocaster


Tobacco burst or Sunburst? I was always under the impression that my guitars were Tobacco burst, partly because Tobacco sounds manly and, well, way cooler. After a bit of research, to my dismay, they are indeed named the more girlie counterpart, Sunburst. Well after all, they are my bitches so its probably a more fitting description. To be authentically Tobacco burst the outer most color needs to have burgundy in it (doesn't sound that manly now, eh?), not just straight black. Now that I got that off my chest, my "Sunburst" strat, named "Texy" is fairly stock except with the usual bridge pickup swapped out for a Seymour Duncan Quarter pound. The middle and bridge positions are stock Fender Tex-Mex pickups, hence giving it its name.